My relationship with my grandparents on both sides of my family are/were not of the traditional type. My paternal grandparents died within a year of each other, during my sophomore year in college. Up to that point, they would send cards and gifts and we would visit them in Florida occassionally, but there seemed to be a rather lacking affection in our relationship. As an adult, I think they loved my sister and I (they kept every card, homemade and otherwise, that we ever sent them), but had a difficult time showing it. At least, that's what I'd like to think.
My Opa (my maternal grandfather) is still living, but I haven't seen him in several years. He, too, I think loves me in his own way. However, he's got alot of his own demons to battle and sometimes his life priorities become skewed. We have a polite relationship.
That leaves my Oma (my maternal grandmother). She battled cancer for most of my early childhood and died when I was eight. The "advantage" to this, if there can be one, is that my memory of her is forever frozen as that of an 8 year old's. And yet, I still feel a closer connection to her than I ever have to any other grandparent. What I know about her was that she laughed (alot), loved her grandchildren (and often spoiled them just a little), never lost her German accent, and insisted on manners and respect (and wouldn't hesitate to reprimand me if I dared to talk back to anyone within her hearing). She was independent, having divorced my Opa right after my birth, she set out to climb the corporate ladder on her own. She was a shrewd businesswoman. She had a temper not to be messed with, though as the treasured grandchild, I don't remember witnessing in it. And she had a saying, one I've thought of often as I've come across people in the last couple years. She'll forgive me, I'm sure, if I misquote her slightly, but it went something like this:
"You can make excuses for not having money, but there's no excuse for not having class."
Last night, Kevin and I went to a celebratory dinner for some people he works with. Financially, we were probably the most secure couple there, though everybody was employed and receiving some sort of income. The group had made reservations for 6:00 at a packed popular restaurant. When we arrived at 6:00, there was already a 45-minute wait. We were able to be seated immediately in a booth. However, the majority of the group didn't show up until 6:30. As a result, they weren't able to seat the two groups next to each other. Tough. If you don't show up at the time of your reservation, you lose out. One member of our party became angry and got into a loud argument with the manager. And the evening went downhill from there. This same "gentleman" gave our waitress a hard time about the quality of his drinks from the bar (yet he managed to have 4 in the 2 hours we were there). His manner towards the staff, at every encounter, was rude and patronizing. He bragged about getting us not one, but TWO free appetizers because of his disagreemet with the manager, food I refused to eat, on principle. When the manager came back to the table to ask if our (free) appetizers were to our liking, he informed her that he would rather have had the table next to the other half of the group, but he guessed that "these would do." She very professionally explained (again) why they couldn't switch the tables, but then kinda trailed off and left when he continued to sneer at her. I don't think I've been so embarrassed or angry to be with a group before. I'm pretty non-confrontational, and the only thing that saved me from saying anything to him was knowing that my husband had to work with this man again the next day. We did, though, leave the waitress a large tip for her incredible patience and an apologetic note, in an effort to disassociate ourselves from our particular dinner companion. I don't know what else we could do.
And so I come back to those words to live by: "You can make excuses for not having money, but there's no excuse for not having class."
I don't care how much you make, what your family background was like, or who your role models were. This "gentleman" has NO excuse for his behavior. One can hope that, someday, he receives a (rude) awakening.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
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5 comments:
We were taught every day to be "officers and gentlemen". I can't definitively judge whether that Petty Officer was a gentleman, but I can say you and I were the only officers there.
See, but that shouldn't matter! I don't care if you're an Admiral or a guy fresh out of bootcamp. Good manners are good manners, no matter who you are. That man was NO gentleman. It has nothing to do with rank.
I think there's a link between education and class. Remember what we discussed last night, more educated people generally have a greater concept of delayed gratification. That Petty Officer wanted lots of booze and tried to get out of paying for some of it. He was looking to get drunk that night. Higher class people understand the restraint in stopping at just one.
Nope. You shouldn't be making excuses for him. There are uneducated people who have good manners. He was rude, inappropriate, and out of line.
Oh, I'm not making excuses for him at all. But I'm explaining what I know that you may not have when you corrected me by saying I was his peer in all aspects but my position in work. We've both discovered that's not true. You'd never see such conduct at an officers' Hail and Farewell.
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