Attack!

Have I mentioned I hate creepy, crawly, or hopping things?

No?

Well, then you must be new. Let me fill you in...

I hate, detest, abhor, and loathe creepy, crawly, or hopping things.

When I was a senior in college, I lived with 3 other girls(L., Fudge, and A.). The night before we graduated, our apartment was packed into boxes and suitcases. We decided to spend our last night together as roomates with an all-out girly sleepover. We ordered pizza, rented movies, and hauled sleeping bags and pillows out to the living room floor. Late into the evening, the pizza had been devoured, we were on our second movie, and we were all getting sleepy. I was on the floor, with Fudge and A. sleeping to my right, while L. lay on the couch.

I had just noticed the light tickling across my bare shoulder when my L. announced, "Oh God, M, there's a bug..."

I was up and screaming before she could get the rest of the sentence out. My screaming woke Fudge who leapt up and in the process hit A., who then woke up. By this time, I had found a shoe and beaten that millipede into millipede mush. L. laughed so hard she fell off the couch.

Since then, I have had several close encounters with the crawly kind. 2 years ago, it was the giant cricket in the shower. THAT episode involved my covering myself from head to toe (in the middle of August), tearing the shower curtain from the rod and rushing it out to the deck (no grasshopper), and then, eventually, beating the offender with the spatula.

2 nights ago, it happened again. Kevin had 2 buddies here and the four of us were lounging in the living room. I was propped against the wall, against cushions, when, in the middle of the conversation, Kevin looked at me, became slightly wide-eyed, and mouthed "Get up." Being the dutiful wife that I am (cough, cough) I followed his directions and narrowly escaped being attacked by yet another killer cricket. I was across the room and standing on top of the kitty house before the other 2 guys had figured out what happened. Once they did, I became the object of great amusement for everybody. Nevertheless, I was not putting my feet on the floor until I saw that thing die. THEY thought that by saying "It's gone, Maria" that I would believe all was safe. Fools! I stayed sitting on a table until it came out of its hiding place a good 15 minutes later. This time, Kevin was ready with the vacuum cleaner extension. Bugger never had a chance. Yes, I'm grinning. Point for me, defeat for the bug world.

But then...what goes around, comes around. Revenge has been served. While enjoying a summer Sunday evening, my right leg was attacked by a member of the mosquito family. Not only are those annoying, I have an allergy. So today, I have FOUR large, swollen, itching, bumps on my leg. Point for the bug world, defeat for me.

They may have won the battle, but not the war.