Snapshots

Every six weeks, I unapologetically indulge myself in having my hair washed, cut, and styled at a salon. This is not a HairHut, but the type of place where you go to get the 5 star treatment and feel pampered, if only for the hour it takes to have my hair done. I love it.

As such, it's also packed on Saturdays in May, June, and July with wedding parties. When I went in for my appointment today, there were TWO separate bridal parties having their updos done. It's been almost a year since I was sitting in their exact place, in that salon, with my own bridal party. I started thinking about the things I've learned since then:

1. Everybody collects something. For me, it's shoes. While switching the summer clothes with the winter clothes today, I counted 18 pairs of "summer" shoes. At first, I felt bad about this. Now, I just accept it (okay, I love it...shoes are a passion.) Kevin, meanwhile, collects t-shirts. There is one shirt, in particular, that is so old it literally has holes eaten through it. I've been teasing him about it for at least two years. About six months ago, he finally admitted it wasn't wearable anymore and that it was time to get rid of it. And yet, this afternoon, I found it folded at the bottom of a pile of t-shirts. Does this bother me? Not at all. As long as I can laugh about it. Speaking of which...

2. I will say just about anything to hear my husband laugh. A friend of ours once commented, "If I didn't know you guys, I would swear you hated each other." Teasing, playful barbs, and catching each other off-guard are a big part of our marriage. Publicly, I'm a pretty conservative person during conversation. Privately, my sense of humor is less censored. There's a particular laugh I aim for, one that's surprised and uncontrolled. That laugh will make my day.

3. Sometimes, the clothes just stay on the floor. When we were first married, I tried to convince Kevin of my definition of "clean." As a single gal, I kept my apartment as near to spotless as I could get it. I couldn't stand to have dishes in the sink, or an overflowing laundry basket, or the stove dirty, or things left sitting out on the counter. The truth is, that only works when you're single. When you're married, there's a spouse that wants your attention at the end of a long day. I've learned that some nights, it just doesn't all get done. In fact, some WEEKS, it doesn't all get done. By the weekend, the place looks like a disaster. But I have a happier spouse, and eventually it all gets done.

4. "Let me take care of that" is as good as "I love you." When Kevin's home and working a "normal" schedule, he is often home from work before I am. This gives him time to relax and unwind while I'm still at work. When I get home, I make dinner for the two of us. And then it's my time. I don't have to ask him to put the dishes in the dishwasher or take the trash out or put away the leftovers. It's part of his way of loving. When dinner is over, I will watch tv or take a bath, time just for me. Those few minutes a day mean as much to me as any romantic words he could say.

5. There's always a challenge. I naively thought that having a partner automatically made each challenge easier. While this is true in some cases, there are challenges I never anticipated. Having to come up with "real" meals. Blending two very different personalities. Finding personal space when we need it. A couple years ago, there was a movie, Just Married, starring a pre-Demi Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy. The movie is the story of a "worst-case-scenario" honeymoon. The two leads return from the trip vowing divorce. And then Kutcher's father gives him this advice:

You never see the hard days in a photo album... but those are the ones that get you from one happy snapshot to the next.

This, I think, is what it's all about.

Good luck to those two women who became wives today. It's not such a bad place to be.